Seeking a guide to love for *women

This week has been pretty interesting because a series of events has forced me to think more than a little bit about what being friends with other *women and *girls means. This is not a new thing (examining and reexamining sisterhood) and it gives me little joy to admit that the catalyst for this was a *man.

Men, actually, but one more than most. This man has made me question some of the very strong ideas I sometimes see: ‘real’ men, ‘strong’ men, ‘good’ men, f*ckboys. Especially the last category. Which one of us is unidimensional, which one is only a sister, a friend, a father, a dentist/ writer/ lawyer/ consultant?

This is where my questions around sisterhood arise: how does one tell a sister that a person they like is dangerous (an abuser who is physical immediately comes to mind)? How does one tell a sister that a person is dishonest, unfaithful, unwilling to make space for a woman’s success?

I’m not asking idly. I have found myself in situations in which I have wished a woman who knew had called me aside and said, “Hey, Cumin, that guy will break your heart like this” so that I could go into a relationship with something resembling informed consent.

If you have a method to deal with the madness that accompanies a broken heart at best, and a bereaved family at worst, please let me know.

[*woman, because sometimes your writer presents as something other than female and is called Mike. Because there are as many ways to be a woman as there are women.]

Note: This post is part of #CuminWrites366, my year-long attempt to write a post a day. Find the rest over at

Questions, comments, suggestions or truth talking tips? Send them to 🙂


3 thoughts on “Seeking a guide to love for *women

  1. Ciiku says:

    I had a friend who was dating a married person who claimed was single. I also knew him to be a thief who lied when he borrowed money. I called her and had a meeting and told her straight out that even if our friendship ended, I needed her to know. Luckily, she did her due diligence and found that I was right. Our friendship is still here.

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