Functional Dysfunction

(Or ‘How to stay chaste in an oversexed world’)

So I’ve realised I’m a nag. Really, I am. I have the ability to talk about, and pursue, one topic past the point where anyone is interested. I’m turning into my mother…not a source of mirth but hey, it’s better than turning into say, a troll (amongst other things) Scratch that, my mum’s pretty awesome so…..but I digress.

Now, my favourite nagopic (nag meets topic to create) is communication. I can talk about it forever with Mr Man, aka X. The poor guy has heard so many versions of the same thing till he probably recites what I say (my repertoire of lines is that limited) but I found a new one over the weekend. It’s not going to be good for him…especially considering what I’m going on about… [Edit 24.3.10 I spoke to X yesterday and promised him I’d stop with the nagging…a long-term birthday gift, if you will, being as it was his big day]

Now, to stay chaste in an oversexed world, I recommend:

#1 Staying away from your preferred gender (I’m being inclusive here): Em, once you start, you can’t stop… Not that I would know but humour me..

#2 Running (yes, I know I said running) away from erotic dancers. Here I can speak with authority… On Saturday I had the pleasure of spending time with a friend I’ll call 2BF5 (ask not..OK, ask later) who is one raunchy dancer. But, as I have a little, umm, shall we say, ‘situation’, the dancing was terribly unsettling. A girl has urges….don’t stoke them!! I should have run, but he’s so much fun (woop! woop! we had us a rhyme there) so I stayed through the torture, the pain, the agony, and the shaking pelvis (grinding is more like it but let’s not even go there) Torture!!!

#3 Not talking about ‘It’ in any form. Really, it works. As long as you don’t discuss how your boyfriend is the last person that would be your baby’s father were you to fall pregnant (this is not to say I have had this conversation with anyone….) you’re almost home dry. It’s as easy as it sounds, except for the exclusion. The exclusion only succeeds at making the said boyfriend sound umm, incapable πŸ˜‰

#4 Read the Bible or similar religious book (but let’s speak of the Bible for the purpose of this post):Β  Really!! Think of all the punishment that awaits you, ignore any offers of forgiveness from God and keep your legs clamped. It may take some effort (reading the Bible in my case) and you might end up like Shoshannah (not real name, to protect the privacy of the (now) long dead) but TOUGH! Man up! Or the female equivalent of manning up…

It’s been long, my next post will be longer…

I hope…but take my advice πŸ˜€

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4 thoughts on “Functional Dysfunction

  1. magaribina says:

    Wow. This is not a topic many people think about in this day and age.

    Eti stay away from my preferred gender? How am I supposed to do that when half the people I meet are them ( or is it they) ? Uuuwi – this is hard yawa ! 😦

    Great post. Keep them coming πŸ™‚

    • theshaboozle says:

      Ha ha…I know….Log this under ‘tongue in cheek posts’ πŸ˜€
      Thanks…and I hope we don’t go through breaks like those again πŸ™‚

  2. O-hau says:

    Stoking the fires is like playing chess with the devil…its only a matter of tym before one hears ‘checkmate’ and its too late to retreat…its tough in today’s raunchy world but its possible with those 4 points up there.
    Good post.

    • theshaboozle says:

      Indeed it is…tough…it seems that everything and everyone is shoving sex in your face…
      Thanks for the comment…we look forward to seeing you here again πŸ™‚

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